I moved on from middle-class activism (tree planting, charity, composting) to angry activism (anti-globalisation protests) over a period of ten years. During that time, I had collaborated with many activists who believed that the world could change with projects, protests, blueprints and manuals. In hindsight, this is a very masculine way of thinking. After years of letting this directly clash with my true inner nature and calling, I went through a physical and mental burnout and was forced to stop my work, heal and consolidate my lessons to move forward. That is when my second phase of work began.
Six years ago, I started gardening nature's way. Four years ago, I became a mother. Entering the world of natural farming and attachment parenting (along with unschooling) mark two very significant landmarks in my activist life. Those were when I began to really observe how life worked. I started getting insights into the intelligence of life and healing, the thing that is most needed in the world today. Healing at many levels and in many forms. I moved away from "more work, more change" to "deeper work, better change".
Charles Eisenstein wrote "What the doomsayers say is true: our situation is beyond hope. Perhaps if we had reversed course in the 1960's, if we had zealously applied all the ecological and social understandings that arose at that time, there would still have been hope. No longer. It is too late. Only a miracle will save us. And so I say, "Let us devote ourselves to the study of miracles."" And that to me is tapping into the feminine; getting closer and closer to the source of creation itself; aligning with it. For it alone knows what is to be done in these times of utter chaos and conflict. We can be mere instruments of the divine plan.
And so, my work these days is largely about consciously shifting from operating from the masculine part of myself (which is about thinking, analysing, planning) to the feminine (which is about surrendering to the wisdom of creation, accessing life's intelligence and preparing myself to be worthy of receiving grace). I spend my days in prayer that 'I may be used as an instrument to manifest that which is for the highest good of all life'. In prayer and in preparation for undertaking that which I am directed towards.
I am still interested in projects and plans. But I am more interested in people who make these plans, than the plans themselves. "Are you willing to truly listen, suspending your judgments to consider radically new perspectives? Are you willing to deschool your mind? Are you able to stay humble and at the same time, claim your true power? Are you striving to walk your talk? Do you believe in the power of the sangha? Are you willing to be co-creators of the new world through personal and collective practice at the same time? Are you willing to work more and more sincerely to make yourself worthy of being a guardian of the planet? Are you comfortable with who you are and what is in this moment? Can you imagine yourself as a mother nurturing children?" These are the questions I am interested in asking people before knowing what plans they have.
(Taken from a note about myself on GCSSFS)