Wednesday, September 3, 2008

I need my time to fill my cup!

My dear one,
I know that you are upset that I haven't been giving of myself enough.

Though I see what you are saying,
though I want to give,
the truth is that
I cannot, just as yet, give.

Because my ego is,
alternately,
wallowing in its guilt for having not given, and
spewing out in anger that you challenged it.
And my 'giving' now would only be a reaction to them.

For if I try to give out of guilt,
it will not be 'giving' at all.
For I'd be trying to pour out of an empty cup,
and only causing frustration to see nothing come out.

For if I try to give out of anger,
I won't be giving you what I intend to.
For all that would pour out of my cup would be poison,
disguised, and very poorly at that,
as nectar.

Please give me time.
I need it to pray;
to surrender my anger and guilt to God,
so that they can be transformed into love and fullness.

I can then pour out of a cup filled with nectar,
and hopefully endlessly,
because "giving gives more to give".
Yes, so I've heard.

If the wait is painful,
then I shall pray for your strength and patience.
But wait, you must.
I need my time to fill my cup!

6 comments:

Jeny said...

Excellent is not the word!!!! I identify myself so much to this poem. I really wish I had time to fill my cup also..... LOVELY

aman said...

awesome . very deeply thought .. makes one think :)

earthisnotround said...

Hi, this is Amit. Its is the same thing you were talking about the other day. Very beautifully expressed. Loved it. :)

MommyLabs said...

Sangeetha,
I'm so glad I found your blog. These verses deeply resonated with me. Every word struck a chord. I know I have felt this way, too, but have not penned my thoughts like you've done....
Giving out of guilt is like stale food that's no good for the body and the cells....

On another note, I LOVE poetry and wrote much during my school and college days. Last few years, I have been writing much prose but not poetry. But recently, I've rekindled that flame and am slowly getting back to writing poetry. Reading yours make me all the more inspired...
So thank you for this 'giving':-)

shaifali said...

every word here resonates with my being... and am living this guilt. but i wonder, do i need to empty my cup or fill it...

Sangeetha Sriram said...

Amit, don't remember what we spoke about this. But good to know it resonated with you. :)

Hi MommyLabs, would be good to know your name! :)

Shaifali, i think emptying one's mind of psychological thought automatically fills the cup. You needn't do anything about it. Just ask and empty out your pain. Makes sense?